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Insights
of an Indigo Mom
A New Pair of Shoes
by
Jenny McCarthy
 As a young girl, growing up on the south side of Chicago, I used to fantasize about so many things I wanted to be when I grew up. Sometimes I used to tell my mom I wanted to be a nun. (Can you even imagine me as a nun? LOL) Other times I dreamed of becoming a talented actress. (I’m still working on that one .LOL) No matter what I chose on any given day, the one that would always be at the top of my list was to be an amazing mother. I knew in my heart I was going to be one of the best moms and feel blessed that God gave me the opportunity with the most beautiful boy named Evan.
Since the day Evan was born, I made a promise with myself that I was going to raise him just like my mother raised me, with unconditional love and a strong connection to the Divine. Most of us naturally use the same parenting techniques our parents used when we were young but it’s up to us now to break any patterns that are not in the highest good for our children. We need to break any negative patterns generations before kept handing down to their children who then passed it on to theirs. The hard part is being able to recognize them when they’re not so obvious. Even though my mother truly was the closest clone to Mother Theresa and everything about her is still perfect in my eyes, I was guilty of picking up a parenting trait that I like to call “sweeping under the carpet.”
We didn’t have much money growing up and my dad worked three jobs to put us through Catholic school. Needless to say, the pressure on him would cause any Vietnam vet to hit the local pub on the weekends. My dad was in NO way a violent drunk. He was just an embarrassing one. When an incident would happen it would cause me and my sisters to cry and run to our rooms. The only way my poor mother knew how to handle it was to sweep the incident under the carpet and wait for a new day. The next morning we would all be getting ready for school and my mom was back to serving him coffee and toast for breakfast. I remember sitting at the table thinking, “Why isn’t anyone saying anything?” “Why are we all acting like nothing happened last night?”It drove me mad as I sat there eating my pancakes with blonde piggy tails and watery eyes.
As an adult, I completely understood why my mom did that but, unfortunately, I only understood because I performed this wonderful trait in every relationship I had ever had. I wish I can say I broke this pattern before I became a mother myself but I didn’t. It took me until Evan’s third birthday to awaken to the fact that I slipped into the only shoes my mother owned that I never wanted to wear; the shoes she used to sweep problems under the carpet with. Whenever I fought with my husband, I would end up taking the blame quickly so we didn’t fight in front of the baby. I would lie to myself and say that I was really going to let him have it later and I never did because, honestly, who wants to dig up dirt that was so nicely swept away? It started to get to the point that there was so much dirt hidden that I became a robot in any conversation with my husband. “Okay dear”, “Yes dear”.
The good news is the indigo I am finally blew and said NO MORE! I did what I never thought I would do in a million years and got some counseling. I realized in therapy that it wasn’t my fault for avoiding confrontation but it would be completely my fault if I let it go on any longer. If I wanted to break the cycle and be the best mom I always dreamed I could be, then this was my moment to prove it. I promised myself that from that point on I would always confront all issues head on and I’m proud to say I have.
We’re the number one role models for our children and it’s up to us to stop and evaluate ourselves constantly to see if we are modeling in the highest good. I’m proud to know that Evan will grow up watching his mom take charge of every situation that comes her way and even prouder to know that because of that, he will too.
© Jenny
McCarthy 2006
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jenny
McCarthy
was best known as host of the enormously popular series MTV's Singled Out.
She currently is the New York Times bestselling author of Belly Laughs:
The Naked Truth About Pregnancy, and Childbirth and Baby Laughs: The
Naked Truth About the First Year of Mommyhood, and her new book Life
Laughs is about the comedic experiences with marriage, modern motherhood
and moving on. She happily lives in California with her beautiful son Evan.
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